# Proof that Santa's a Fake

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• 12-16-2005, 11:01 PM
EasyWeb
Proof that Santa's a Fake
There are approximately two billion children (persons under 18)
in the world. However, since Santa does not visit children of
Muslim, Hindu, Jewish or Buddhist (except maybe in Japan)
religions, this reduces the workload for Christmas night to 15%
of the total, or 378 million (according to the population
reference bureau). At an average (census) rate of 3.5 children
per household, that comes to 108 million homes, presuming there
is at least one good child in each. Santa has about 31 hours of
Christmas to work with, thanks to the different time zones and
the rotation of the earth, assuming east to west (which seems
logical). This works out to 967.7 visits per second. This is to
say that for each Christian household with a good child, Santa
has around 1/1000th of a second to park the sleigh, hop out, jump
down the chimney, fill the stocking, distribute the remaining
presents under the tree, eat whatever snacks have been left for
him to get back up the chimney into the sleigh and get onto the
next house.

Assuming that each of these 108 million stops is evenly
distributed around the earth (which, of course, we know to be
false, but will accept for the purposes of our calculations), we
are now talking about 0.78 miles per household; a total trip of
75.5 million miles, not counting bathroom stops or breaks. This
means Santa's sleigh is moving at 650 miles per second or 3,000
times the speed of sound. For purposes of comparison, the fastest
man made vehicle, the Ulysses space probe, moves at a poky 27.4
miles per second, and a conventional reindeer can run (at best)
15 miles per hour.

The payload of the sleigh adds another interesting element.
Assuming that each child gets nothing more than a medium sized
LEGO set (two pounds), the sleigh is carrying over 500 thousand
tons, not counting Santa himself. On land, a conventional
reindeer can pull no more than 300 pounds. Even granting that the
"flying" reindeer can pull 10 times the normal amount, the job
can't be done with eight or even nine of them - Santa would need
360,000 of them. This increases the payload, not counting the
weight of the sleigh, another 54,000 tons, or roughly seven times
the weight of the Queen Elizabeth (the ship, not the monarch).

A mass of nearly 600,000 tons traveling at 650 miles per second
creates enormous air resistance this would heat up the reindeer
in the same fashion as a spacecraft re-entering the earth's
atmosphere. The lead pair of reindeer would adsorb 14.3
quintillion joules of energy per second each.

In short, they would burst into flames almost instantaneously, exposing the reindeer behind them and creating deafening sonic booms in their wake. The entire reindeer team would be vaporized within 426 thousandths of a second, or right about the time Santa reached
the fifth house on his trip.

Not that it matters, however, since Santa, as a result of
accelerating from a dead stop to 650 m..p.s. in .001 seconds,
would be subjected to acceleration forces of 17,000 g's. A 250
pound Santa (which seems ludicrous considering all the high
calorie snacks he must have consumed over the years) would be
pinned to the back of the sleigh by 4,315,015 pounds of force,
instantly crushing his bones and organs and reducing him to a
quivering blob of pink goo. Therefore, if Santa did exist, he's
dead now.

Merry Christmas :p
• 12-16-2005, 11:33 PM
_Aerospace_Eng_
Poor kids. Santa could be immortal. :eek:

*I intended to be sarcastic*
• 12-17-2005, 12:48 AM
thewebman
easyweb, that's hilarious!! lol but you didn't calculate the weight Santa gains while eating the milk and cookies at every stop.
• 12-17-2005, 12:13 PM
tele159
or the countless times santa gets stuck in the chimney, or the houses that dont have chimneys
• 12-17-2005, 12:55 PM
Snitchcat
ROFL!

Amazingly, I understood those calculations, too!
• 12-17-2005, 01:58 PM
the tree
Honestly, you people know nothing. Santa travels way faster than that, in fact he travels at 99.9% of C, thus moving through time slow enough to do all of this in the night and still having enough time to watch the Queens speech.

As for the matter of accelleration, he is moving at speed within the range of only about 200mph all year round in order to assess who's been naughty or nice, so G-force is not an issue.

Before you say anything, Santa does not have a terminal velocity because all air resitance has been eliminated by magic.
• 12-17-2005, 02:59 PM
NogDog
The reason Rudolph's nose glows is that it is actually a magnetic bottle containing a miniature black hole which has a sufficient rotational speed such that it sheds its event horizon and becomes a naked singularity. Therefore, by rotating his sleigh in the proper direction around Rudolph's nose, Santa is able to move backward in time. He makes as many deliveries as he can before dawn, then does the rotation thing until he moves back in time to early evening, picks up more gifts, and sets off to deliver them. He simply repeats this process until all the gifts are delivered.

(Yes, I actually have this book on my Christmas list. :) )
• 12-17-2005, 03:09 PM
felgall
Santa did exist. The 6th December is St Nicholas Day which celebrates the anniversary of his death back in the 4th Century. Since he died he must therefore have existed prior to that time.
• 12-17-2005, 03:45 PM
emin3m
parental advisory content :P
• 12-19-2005, 04:18 PM
Sunny G
But Santa, his sleigh, and his reindeer are magic!
*I also intended to be sarcastic*

I believe in the idea of santa and all the joy it brings.
• 12-19-2005, 04:21 PM
Ultimater
• 12-19-2005, 04:24 PM
Sunny G
Did that Santa just blink? Scary...
• 12-19-2005, 04:27 PM
Ultimater
Lol.
To sum up the whole article:
http://www.av1611.org/othpubls/images/santa_cross1.gif
"Ho! Ho! Ho! I Am G-d. . ."

ROTFL
• 12-19-2005, 04:38 PM
LiLcRaZyFuZzY
hehehehe!
• 12-19-2005, 04:54 PM
poiuy
Fuzzy math or not -- Santa exists.

If it wasn't for Santa the only other time people would be caring and giving would be after thousands of people were sucked out to sea by a Tsunami, hit by an Earthquake, Tornado or Hurricane. Only when two 110 story buildings come crumbling down or a terrorist blows up subways or trains.

I'd hate to think of what this world would be like without a Santa figure in it. At least people can be loving and giving once in a year WITHOUT a tragedy happening.
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