Hello!

I'm not very good at the .htaccess scripts, so I thought maybe one of you guys are.

What I want is a neat url with only forward slashes. No ? or &.
However, the slashes are ambiguous. They can be a directory slash, or a parameter separator.
What I would like is to have a priority list, so it looks for a directory first, then a file, and after that it's a 'get' parameter

Example:
example.com/private/ucp/cmd/Profile/ID/8/

Does directory private exist? yes
Does directory ucp exist? no
Does file ucp.php exist? yes
Does file ID exist? no
Then rest are parameters as cmd => Profile, ID => 8

I've been googling around a lot trying to find something similar.
The only thing I've managed to do is remove the .php extension and create special cases (/user/8 becomes /user.php?id=8).

Any help or direction is greatly appreciated.