Get out, please.
I think tech support is a waste of money on the companies part, while there are so many forums available to discuss problems openly.
There is also no point to create a diagnostic tool when so many exists already.
To those with beeping keyboards, are any keys stuck down or depress abnormally?
Good suggestion, I didnt mention it because it seemed obvious but sometimes its the most obvious thing, like mashing the keyboard with your head and permantly sticking a key down, yea i know how that one feels, key prints on the forehead do look groovy though. Drinks and bodily fluids are really bad for sticking down keys. Trashed/fried a keyboard in my youth (and stained a ceiling) before with the latter. :o :p
Anyway from a different viewpoint in response to the dell guy, I think its good a company is making such an effort for home diagnosis and trying to help exsisting users. So many companies sell stuff then dont want to know you cough motorola and others that have a good name but decide to make really inferior products in the past few years stealing off honest customers cough hp. I mentioned to my g/f i was pleased and suprised at the good customer service from dell actually trying to contact exsisting users.
The only laptops i have that are still in use are a ibm thinkpad (x21) and dell latitude (c510). Dell laptop has only needed repairing a couple times and the ibm never has even though its the oldest. Ive got a hp (thankfully under warranty) and in under one year it has nearly 20 faults or so, i remember the days when they used to use quality parts.
Anyway in the laptop department in future i would only use ibm/lenevo, dell or toshiba as those are the only makes i consider to have true quality and durability.